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* Sunday, April 27, 2008 *
I remember this conversation i had with my friend a few days ago... where we were complaining abt how our intelligence level seemed to have gone down as we grow older.
we seemed to be able to capture things faster, and learn things faster when we were younger.
i think i read somewhere before where ur fastest rate of learning capacity will be when you're a toddler. Toddlers have yet to develop a complete sense of rational and cognitive thinking, nobody has yet to teach them how to construct proper train of thoughts, how to link and relate one thing to another. And yet, some things they do are juz amazing.
have u ever placed a template with holes of different shapes, and blocks of different shapes in front of a toddler before? just place them in front of him/her without telling him/her wat to do with it. and it's utterly amazing how the toddler, this 1 or 2 year old, would juz automatically try to fit the blocks with different shapes into the hole with the correct shape.
how do they even noe they're supposed to do tat? and not juz throw the blocks randomly around them?
the human brain is something fascinating and amazing, and probably the best construct in this world. whoever is up there, who created and made us, He is totally wonderful.
I'm not christian, neither am i catholic or buddhist or taoist, or any of the other religions tat exist in Singapore, or for tat matter, in the world. I'm a free thinker.
But that does not mean I do not believe in someone up there.
I do.
I just don't really take in the possibility that there are actually so many "gods" that exist in this world, from all the different religions. I believe there is only one, and he probably takes different forms, so that human beings can have different sets of religious beliefs to cater to, so that human beings can find peace and faith in their respective religions, so that human beings have something or someone to turn to everytime they sin and they have no idea how to atone for their sins, so that human beings have someone or something to turn to everytime they want something but that certain thing is not in their control (eg a smooth plane flight).
essentially all the religious beliefs, be it catholic or christian or buddhist, are all advocating and teaching the same things, u noe? it's all about peace within yourself, it's all about holding onto faith and believing in yourself, it's all about doing good, it's all about not sinning.
and so i always find it bemusing and laughable everytime i hear friends of different religions arguing fervently among themselves about which religion is better and which religion is more "true". it's so silly and stoopid. but sometimes, they juz dun realise it, u see.
i believe in "fate" and i believe that "sometimes things are juz meant to be this way".
When accidents happen and innocent lives are taken away for no rhyme or reason, it really suck. and when there's no one u can blame for those accidents, it sucks even more. coz it always makes human beings feel better when there's something or someone they can put the blame on, isnt it? but sometimes "things are juz meant to be that way" and there's really nothing anyone can do abt it.
maybe they happen becoz we have to be taught how to cherish and treasure what we already have. maybe children who has been screaming and shouting at their parents the day before, stumble onto an article where a child lose her parents in an accident, will rush back home to their distraught parents, apologise and tell them how much they love them.
maybe at the same time when u're arguing and quarreling with ur boyfren or gerfren, the news on tv happen to be showing how a ger lose her fiance in a diving mishap, and den mebbe u'll juz stop short of the quarrel and bring ur boyfren or gerfren into ur arms.
u noe, these things happen. and mebbe they happen sometimes to teach us how to stop taking everything in life for granted. if everything in this world is pre-empted and no accidents would ever happen, and no illnesses or diseases will ever occur, will u be a better person or a worse person? will u still tell ur boyfren/gerfren tat u love him/her every single day coz u dunno wat will happen the next day? will u still try to be as nice and filial as u can to ur parents becoz u noe they're getting old and u dunno how many years u have left with them?
i think sometimes, things happen in this world to make everyone a better person. and i think that's wat we should all believe in.
i believe in "everything happens for a reason".
mebbe it's juz easier to live life when u believe in that, u noe. when u believe that everything happens for a reason, it's so much easier for u to see past certain things and to find peace in life, and to not brood over things or indulge in self-pity.
during the numerous months tat i got rejected by companies, i juz tot to myself mebbe something better out there is awaiting me, mebbe these companies are juz not suitable for me, mebbe whoever is up there, juz wants to teach me how to handle rejections, and den stand up and try harder, so that i wont juz break down when i face the Real World.
after the failures of certain few relationships, i juz tot to myself mebbe someone better is out there waiting for me, mebbe those guys are not The One, and that explains the failures, becoz i need to end all these r/s before i can continue my search for The One. mebbe whoever is up there juz wants me to learn all the perils of r/s from all the failed ones, mebbe He juz wants me to learn how to handle certain problems tat commonly exist in r/s, so tat i can handle them properly in my r/s with The One. mebbe He's juz making me feel depressed and utterly miserable for those few months so tat when i finally meet The One, i'll try all i can to cherish and treasure the r/s becoz i would not want it to end up like the past few failed ones.
so sometimes when hardships hit u, or when failures hit u, juz remember that the more u go thru, the stronger u become, and the better person u become. and when you're finally able to stand up and face the world, with a weary but a satisfied and happy smile, you are the one that ppl will admire, and not those ppl who succeed on first try. and i always believe that the hardships we're goin thru, juz served to make us cherish and treasure whatever we have now in our life, and whatever we're gonna have in the future.
i never hope to inspire ppl with my words, becoz i dun think i'm tat good with words yet. but i do hope whatever i've said above has helped some of my frens (or acquaintances or anyone reading for the matter) who have been meeting obstacles again and again recently (esp with job search) to find their way back again. =)
This video here shows one of the most touching songs i've ever heard.
I cried when lester played this song for me on the guitar one nite in his room. maybe it's the way he looked at me. maybe it's the tune. maybe it's just the lyrics.
it's the perfect song to tell another person how much he means to you. and i think it's the perfect song to be playing on a wedding coz it's called "Till the End". u noe, like the wedding vows... =)
it's by David Tan, a Singaporean.
it's so sweet and heartfelt, i think i'm goin to break my "public-blogging" rule AGAIN, by saying these:
I noe how much we've gone through in the past 2 years and 10 months, and i noe how much we've gone through recently. and many a times i had wanted to give up so much, but i'm so thankful tat the one i'm goin through all these with is you. becoz you have so much faith in you, it's amazing. and most importantly, you actually believed in us constantly without fail, even at times when i've stopped believing. and i know deep inside, that that is wat actually keep us going. as cliche as this is goin to sound, u touch a certain part in my soul, tat i dun think anyone has ever succeeded reaching before. and i love u so much, so this is for you dear, becoz u deserve it.
that is the lyrics for "Till the End".
and i juz realise why i love it so much, becoz i can relate every single line of it. with you.
yes, even the part "all my friends around me, say you'd be gone too soon". haha...
we seemed to be able to capture things faster, and learn things faster when we were younger.
i think i read somewhere before where ur fastest rate of learning capacity will be when you're a toddler. Toddlers have yet to develop a complete sense of rational and cognitive thinking, nobody has yet to teach them how to construct proper train of thoughts, how to link and relate one thing to another. And yet, some things they do are juz amazing.
have u ever placed a template with holes of different shapes, and blocks of different shapes in front of a toddler before? just place them in front of him/her without telling him/her wat to do with it. and it's utterly amazing how the toddler, this 1 or 2 year old, would juz automatically try to fit the blocks with different shapes into the hole with the correct shape.
how do they even noe they're supposed to do tat? and not juz throw the blocks randomly around them?
the human brain is something fascinating and amazing, and probably the best construct in this world. whoever is up there, who created and made us, He is totally wonderful.
I'm not christian, neither am i catholic or buddhist or taoist, or any of the other religions tat exist in Singapore, or for tat matter, in the world. I'm a free thinker.
But that does not mean I do not believe in someone up there.
I do.
I just don't really take in the possibility that there are actually so many "gods" that exist in this world, from all the different religions. I believe there is only one, and he probably takes different forms, so that human beings can have different sets of religious beliefs to cater to, so that human beings can find peace and faith in their respective religions, so that human beings have something or someone to turn to everytime they sin and they have no idea how to atone for their sins, so that human beings have someone or something to turn to everytime they want something but that certain thing is not in their control (eg a smooth plane flight).
essentially all the religious beliefs, be it catholic or christian or buddhist, are all advocating and teaching the same things, u noe? it's all about peace within yourself, it's all about holding onto faith and believing in yourself, it's all about doing good, it's all about not sinning.
and so i always find it bemusing and laughable everytime i hear friends of different religions arguing fervently among themselves about which religion is better and which religion is more "true". it's so silly and stoopid. but sometimes, they juz dun realise it, u see.
i believe in "fate" and i believe that "sometimes things are juz meant to be this way".
When accidents happen and innocent lives are taken away for no rhyme or reason, it really suck. and when there's no one u can blame for those accidents, it sucks even more. coz it always makes human beings feel better when there's something or someone they can put the blame on, isnt it? but sometimes "things are juz meant to be that way" and there's really nothing anyone can do abt it.
maybe they happen becoz we have to be taught how to cherish and treasure what we already have. maybe children who has been screaming and shouting at their parents the day before, stumble onto an article where a child lose her parents in an accident, will rush back home to their distraught parents, apologise and tell them how much they love them.
maybe at the same time when u're arguing and quarreling with ur boyfren or gerfren, the news on tv happen to be showing how a ger lose her fiance in a diving mishap, and den mebbe u'll juz stop short of the quarrel and bring ur boyfren or gerfren into ur arms.
u noe, these things happen. and mebbe they happen sometimes to teach us how to stop taking everything in life for granted. if everything in this world is pre-empted and no accidents would ever happen, and no illnesses or diseases will ever occur, will u be a better person or a worse person? will u still tell ur boyfren/gerfren tat u love him/her every single day coz u dunno wat will happen the next day? will u still try to be as nice and filial as u can to ur parents becoz u noe they're getting old and u dunno how many years u have left with them?
i think sometimes, things happen in this world to make everyone a better person. and i think that's wat we should all believe in.
i believe in "everything happens for a reason".
mebbe it's juz easier to live life when u believe in that, u noe. when u believe that everything happens for a reason, it's so much easier for u to see past certain things and to find peace in life, and to not brood over things or indulge in self-pity.
during the numerous months tat i got rejected by companies, i juz tot to myself mebbe something better out there is awaiting me, mebbe these companies are juz not suitable for me, mebbe whoever is up there, juz wants to teach me how to handle rejections, and den stand up and try harder, so that i wont juz break down when i face the Real World.
after the failures of certain few relationships, i juz tot to myself mebbe someone better is out there waiting for me, mebbe those guys are not The One, and that explains the failures, becoz i need to end all these r/s before i can continue my search for The One. mebbe whoever is up there juz wants me to learn all the perils of r/s from all the failed ones, mebbe He juz wants me to learn how to handle certain problems tat commonly exist in r/s, so tat i can handle them properly in my r/s with The One. mebbe He's juz making me feel depressed and utterly miserable for those few months so tat when i finally meet The One, i'll try all i can to cherish and treasure the r/s becoz i would not want it to end up like the past few failed ones.
so sometimes when hardships hit u, or when failures hit u, juz remember that the more u go thru, the stronger u become, and the better person u become. and when you're finally able to stand up and face the world, with a weary but a satisfied and happy smile, you are the one that ppl will admire, and not those ppl who succeed on first try. and i always believe that the hardships we're goin thru, juz served to make us cherish and treasure whatever we have now in our life, and whatever we're gonna have in the future.
i never hope to inspire ppl with my words, becoz i dun think i'm tat good with words yet. but i do hope whatever i've said above has helped some of my frens (or acquaintances or anyone reading for the matter) who have been meeting obstacles again and again recently (esp with job search) to find their way back again. =)
***
This video here shows one of the most touching songs i've ever heard.
I cried when lester played this song for me on the guitar one nite in his room. maybe it's the way he looked at me. maybe it's the tune. maybe it's just the lyrics.
it's the perfect song to tell another person how much he means to you. and i think it's the perfect song to be playing on a wedding coz it's called "Till the End". u noe, like the wedding vows... =)
it's by David Tan, a Singaporean.
it's so sweet and heartfelt, i think i'm goin to break my "public-blogging" rule AGAIN, by saying these:
I noe how much we've gone through in the past 2 years and 10 months, and i noe how much we've gone through recently. and many a times i had wanted to give up so much, but i'm so thankful tat the one i'm goin through all these with is you. becoz you have so much faith in you, it's amazing. and most importantly, you actually believed in us constantly without fail, even at times when i've stopped believing. and i know deep inside, that that is wat actually keep us going. as cliche as this is goin to sound, u touch a certain part in my soul, tat i dun think anyone has ever succeeded reaching before. and i love u so much, so this is for you dear, becoz u deserve it.
All these precious moments
With you by my side
Must be a gift from heaven
That's holding me all night
I don't know how I found you
I'm thankful that I have
Now that I have a love so true
To hold, to keep, to share
*
In my heart I can no longer hold inside
All of the love I used to hide
I'll always be with you until the very end
In this world there in no place I'd rather be
You are my life, my soul, my girl (boy)
You through it all I know
That you've come to see that you're the one till the end
All my friends around me
Say you'd be gone too soon
Baby I'm gonna make them see
We've found our way back home
(Repeat*)
We'll always be till the end
With you by my side
Must be a gift from heaven
That's holding me all night
I don't know how I found you
I'm thankful that I have
Now that I have a love so true
To hold, to keep, to share
*
In my heart I can no longer hold inside
All of the love I used to hide
I'll always be with you until the very end
In this world there in no place I'd rather be
You are my life, my soul, my girl (boy)
You through it all I know
That you've come to see that you're the one till the end
All my friends around me
Say you'd be gone too soon
Baby I'm gonna make them see
We've found our way back home
(Repeat*)
We'll always be till the end
that is the lyrics for "Till the End".
and i juz realise why i love it so much, becoz i can relate every single line of it. with you.
yes, even the part "all my friends around me, say you'd be gone too soon". haha...
till the end, tat's wat i see with you... =)
at 12:49 AM* * * * * * * * *
* Monday, April 21, 2008 *
pas-sion (pash'en)
- noun
Eg. He was unable to continue playing college basketball after 3 years of high school basketball, because his passion for the sport has died down.
- noun
1. strong amorous feeling or desire; love; ardor.
2. strong sexual desire; lust.
3. an instance or experience of strong love or sexual desire.
4. a strong feeling or emotion.
5. the trait of being intensely emotional.
6. something that is desired intensely.
7. boundless enthusiasm
2. strong sexual desire; lust.
3. an instance or experience of strong love or sexual desire.
4. a strong feeling or emotion.
5. the trait of being intensely emotional.
6. something that is desired intensely.
7. boundless enthusiasm
Eg. He was unable to continue playing college basketball after 3 years of high school basketball, because his passion for the sport has died down.
at 2:02 AM* * * * * * * * *
* Tuesday, April 15, 2008 *
thanks for all the smses, msnes and calls and meetups...
juz coz of one blog entry... =D
you guys have no idea how much better u all make me feel.
u noe how sometimes, as u slip slowly into the monotony of life and the comfortable yet boring daily routine, u somehow juz start to take frens ard u for granted? like how, u'll postpone appointments with frens, or even cancel them coz u've got work to do? or how u juz dun feel like leaving ur hse to meet up with a fren for a simple and short dinner, juz coz u're lazy?
ashamedly, i do that sometimes. but when things happen and frens still stand by u loyally and faithfully, u start to treasure them much more den before. seriously, if u have frens like mine, u'll die with no regrets =)))
anyway i'm feeling better alr! not at my peak, but good enuff. i'll survive. haha...
it's not really my style to pour out emotions onto my blog. okay, it WAS my style when i was using blogs much more private before. but this blog is like waaaaayyyy too public, i think even lester's frens who dun really noe me, noe abt it. coz u see, it's supposed to be a combined blog, but he's too lazy to blog! haaz...
but i wasnt exactly feeling superb tat day, so i was beyond concern abt whether strangers or acquaintances read all those.
i had always wanted to do something since year 1, but i never never had the courage to really do it. partly coz it looked real painful, partly coz it's goin to be sorta permanent, and partly coz i think my parents will kill me.
after procrastinating for 4 damn years, and regretting every single time i see others do it, i've decided to get my ass up and goin to get it done.
let's juz say. i wanted to do something different. i wanted to do something before i graduate, that i noe i wouldnt do when i start work.
let's juz say, i wanted to do it coz i noe everyone lives only once, and i dun wanna regret it years down the road.
u noe how sometimes u really really really wanna do something, but somehow, despite the desperate want in u, u juz cant seem to get urself to do it? mebbe it's coz of fear, mebbe it's coz of consequences. one good example is studying psychology overseas. i really really would love tat, but somehow the 18yr old me then juz couldnt get myself to do it. money was a big problem too.
soooooooooooooooo! me and peiting researched for days for the best design and the best and safest and not too expensive shop and we went down to get it done!
it's a pinkish reddish butterfly leaving behind a trail of stars, flying off my shoulder!
haha i noe, so cliche ritez? butterfly.
i wanted a butterfly initally, but tot it was too cliche, so went ard searchin for other options. i went from dragonfly to sunflower to clouds to stars to fairies and angels to tattooing juz my name. and eventually i still went back to butterfly, coz i love it to bits.
and i love wat it stands for. these were all found from the net.
so I'm a really reaaaallyyy happy person now. and still excited over it... =)
it's not painful by the way. it's not totally painless, but the pain level is very bearable. trust me, i've a low tolerance for pain, and i hesitated for like an hr inside the tattoo shop coz i was so scared of the pain.
we did it at this shop called "VISUAL ORGASM", which quite a number of celebrities have patronised, like maia lee and chen hanwei. the tattooists there were really good, and supa friendly (with the exception of one tho! bleah!), and their prices are reasonable too. the first shop we went to quoted me a price tat was $50 more den wat Visual Orgasm quoted me aft tat. like wat the hell.
i still cant believe i got one. really. and i think some frens of mine cant believe it too. they tot it was a sticker and tried to scrape it off my body, which FREAKING HURT by the way.
so pls dun try to be funny by hitting it or rubbing it. i swear i will bodyslam u onto the ground. it's still in the healing stage so it perpetually feels like a sunburn. prob aft another week or so, u all can touch or rub or hit as much as u wan. haha...
but now it's scabbing and looking really ugly. i cant wait for all the scabs to fall off!
for anyone out there who really really wants a tattoo but are hesitating for some reasons, juz go get it! trust me, if u really wan it, u'll never regret getting it... =D
i'm so damn tempted to post photos of peiting's tattoos here, but i'm not sure if she wans to show to everyone haha... she'll kill me if i post i think. so better not.
yaaaays! juz talking abt it makes me happy!
and i juz found out tat the australia trip MIGHT actually materialise! yaaaaaaayssss!
for now, i'm juz totally looking forward to friday and saturday.
i want u back. from all the damn freaking projects. =(
juz coz of one blog entry... =D
you guys have no idea how much better u all make me feel.
u noe how sometimes, as u slip slowly into the monotony of life and the comfortable yet boring daily routine, u somehow juz start to take frens ard u for granted? like how, u'll postpone appointments with frens, or even cancel them coz u've got work to do? or how u juz dun feel like leaving ur hse to meet up with a fren for a simple and short dinner, juz coz u're lazy?
ashamedly, i do that sometimes. but when things happen and frens still stand by u loyally and faithfully, u start to treasure them much more den before. seriously, if u have frens like mine, u'll die with no regrets =)))
anyway i'm feeling better alr! not at my peak, but good enuff. i'll survive. haha...
it's not really my style to pour out emotions onto my blog. okay, it WAS my style when i was using blogs much more private before. but this blog is like waaaaayyyy too public, i think even lester's frens who dun really noe me, noe abt it. coz u see, it's supposed to be a combined blog, but he's too lazy to blog! haaz...
but i wasnt exactly feeling superb tat day, so i was beyond concern abt whether strangers or acquaintances read all those.
ANYWAYSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!
i had always wanted to do something since year 1, but i never never had the courage to really do it. partly coz it looked real painful, partly coz it's goin to be sorta permanent, and partly coz i think my parents will kill me.
after procrastinating for 4 damn years, and regretting every single time i see others do it, i've decided to get my ass up and goin to get it done.
let's juz say. i wanted to do something different. i wanted to do something before i graduate, that i noe i wouldnt do when i start work.
let's juz say, i wanted to do it coz i noe everyone lives only once, and i dun wanna regret it years down the road.
u noe how sometimes u really really really wanna do something, but somehow, despite the desperate want in u, u juz cant seem to get urself to do it? mebbe it's coz of fear, mebbe it's coz of consequences. one good example is studying psychology overseas. i really really would love tat, but somehow the 18yr old me then juz couldnt get myself to do it. money was a big problem too.
soooooooooooooooo! me and peiting researched for days for the best design and the best and safest and not too expensive shop and we went down to get it done!
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lo and behold!
I GOT A DAMN FREAKING TATTOO!!!!!!!!!!!
it's a pinkish reddish butterfly leaving behind a trail of stars, flying off my shoulder!
haha i noe, so cliche ritez? butterfly.
i wanted a butterfly initally, but tot it was too cliche, so went ard searchin for other options. i went from dragonfly to sunflower to clouds to stars to fairies and angels to tattooing juz my name. and eventually i still went back to butterfly, coz i love it to bits.
and i love wat it stands for. these were all found from the net.
- The butterfly is a symbol of transformation or change, love and joy.
- It represents beauty, changes, taking flight, simplicity and peace. At first, its an ugly catepillar and no one will give it a second look. but with time and dedication, it becomes something marvelous to the human eye. Its a natural wonder.
- It means a new life, a new beginning, a new phase to life. It is spontaneous and exhilarating, it is beautiful and calm, it is colorful and vibrant.
so I'm a really reaaaallyyy happy person now. and still excited over it... =)
it's not painful by the way. it's not totally painless, but the pain level is very bearable. trust me, i've a low tolerance for pain, and i hesitated for like an hr inside the tattoo shop coz i was so scared of the pain.
we did it at this shop called "VISUAL ORGASM", which quite a number of celebrities have patronised, like maia lee and chen hanwei. the tattooists there were really good, and supa friendly (with the exception of one tho! bleah!), and their prices are reasonable too. the first shop we went to quoted me a price tat was $50 more den wat Visual Orgasm quoted me aft tat. like wat the hell.
i still cant believe i got one. really. and i think some frens of mine cant believe it too. they tot it was a sticker and tried to scrape it off my body, which FREAKING HURT by the way.
so pls dun try to be funny by hitting it or rubbing it. i swear i will bodyslam u onto the ground. it's still in the healing stage so it perpetually feels like a sunburn. prob aft another week or so, u all can touch or rub or hit as much as u wan. haha...
but now it's scabbing and looking really ugly. i cant wait for all the scabs to fall off!
for anyone out there who really really wants a tattoo but are hesitating for some reasons, juz go get it! trust me, if u really wan it, u'll never regret getting it... =D
i'm so damn tempted to post photos of peiting's tattoos here, but i'm not sure if she wans to show to everyone haha... she'll kill me if i post i think. so better not.
yaaaays! juz talking abt it makes me happy!
falalallalalaalla...
and i juz found out tat the australia trip MIGHT actually materialise! yaaaaaaayssss!
for now, i'm juz totally looking forward to friday and saturday.
i want u back. from all the damn freaking projects. =(
at 10:46 PM* * * * * * * * *
* Wednesday, April 9, 2008 *
It has hit me awhile ago that I havent felt happiness for a pretty long time.
I'm not talking about the surface kind of happiness, like when ppl tell u u look slimmer and better, or when someone tells u a joke, or when u manage to get all the flavors u like queueing up at a donut shop.
I'm talking about from-the-bottom-of-the-heart kind of happiness that you feel even when you've a bad hair day and the day starts off on a crappy start, even when ppl around u start throwing u shit, even when you've tons of work and tuitions packed for the day, and yet u still hold a smile on ur face, and the skip in ur steps.
I havent felt like that for a long time. mebbe since after I came back from USA. tat's almost a year.
I totally hate it when I tell ppl that I'm feeling sianz and bothered and not very happy, and they juz throw a sentence back at me.
sometimes that sentence holds envy in it. sometimes it holds jealousy. sometimes it holds distaste.
like, I'm supposed to feel that everything in this world is perfect and beautiful; and worse, that I have no right to even feel negatively, JUST becoz "I got a job already, wat!".
you know wat, take my job, for all I care. I have other things much much MUCH more important to me, and it is screwed up. All I want now, is for those things to get better, and maybe go back to what they used to be? I don't really give a damn about whether I have or do not have a job anymore.
I don't know which is more heartbreaking. Knowing that there seemed to be something really wrong, but not able to pinpoint what they are and not being able to solve them, and just feeling helpless all the time, or knowing that the other party is trying so hard and yet somehow I don't feel or see any improvements on the situation. It is no one's fault. It's just the circumstances.
I'm trying my best, and I'm going to give my best. If there is something called better than best, that is what you're going to get. I'm trying and I want everything to work. I will give up anything and everything for you. If that is what it takes. I will give up my job for you. my grades. my grad trip. Although looking at the situation now, I think I really need the trip. I think WE need the trip.
I don't like to run away from problems, and I won't. But I have a tendency to want to run when the problems are constantly there, and things start to get tiring. My love for you must be really strong, if I'm still staying put.
I really want this. so badly. I still believe in us.
But only time will tell.
I'm not talking about the surface kind of happiness, like when ppl tell u u look slimmer and better, or when someone tells u a joke, or when u manage to get all the flavors u like queueing up at a donut shop.
I'm talking about from-the-bottom-of-the-heart kind of happiness that you feel even when you've a bad hair day and the day starts off on a crappy start, even when ppl around u start throwing u shit, even when you've tons of work and tuitions packed for the day, and yet u still hold a smile on ur face, and the skip in ur steps.
I havent felt like that for a long time. mebbe since after I came back from USA. tat's almost a year.
I totally hate it when I tell ppl that I'm feeling sianz and bothered and not very happy, and they juz throw a sentence back at me.
"You got a job already, wat!"
sometimes that sentence holds envy in it. sometimes it holds jealousy. sometimes it holds distaste.
like, I'm supposed to feel that everything in this world is perfect and beautiful; and worse, that I have no right to even feel negatively, JUST becoz "I got a job already, wat!".
you know wat, take my job, for all I care. I have other things much much MUCH more important to me, and it is screwed up. All I want now, is for those things to get better, and maybe go back to what they used to be? I don't really give a damn about whether I have or do not have a job anymore.
I don't know which is more heartbreaking. Knowing that there seemed to be something really wrong, but not able to pinpoint what they are and not being able to solve them, and just feeling helpless all the time, or knowing that the other party is trying so hard and yet somehow I don't feel or see any improvements on the situation. It is no one's fault. It's just the circumstances.
I'm trying my best, and I'm going to give my best. If there is something called better than best, that is what you're going to get. I'm trying and I want everything to work. I will give up anything and everything for you. If that is what it takes. I will give up my job for you. my grades. my grad trip. Although looking at the situation now, I think I really need the trip. I think WE need the trip.
I don't like to run away from problems, and I won't. But I have a tendency to want to run when the problems are constantly there, and things start to get tiring. My love for you must be really strong, if I'm still staying put.
I really want this. so badly. I still believe in us.
But only time will tell.
at 3:36 PM* * * * * * * * *
* Tuesday, April 1, 2008 *
Friday, 28th May 08
went down for lester's stardust semi-finals on friday evening. i have no idea why, but i was so excited for him, and den tat excitement became nervousness when i realise how nervous he was.
i guess his emotions really do influenced me alot. haha...
the number of his frens who came down was amazing, tho he kept insisting it was okay. and the number of my frens who came down to help me support him was amazing too. haaz! thanks guys!
and of coz, the number of my frens who came down to bio chio semi-finalists was pretty significant too... (erhmm! u noe who you are! haha...)
central forum, all decked up
many ppl crowding around the whole forum, and many malays too. no lar, not being discriminating, it's a fact. i think alot of them belong to the semi-finalists bands. so anyway! photos!
me and yongxiang
he claimed that he'll never miss a singing competition, haha so there we are sitting there waiting for the stoopid competition to start since 530pm.
and the rolex ppl came down!
me, les, jun and ching
see that pink rose i was holding? ya, i bought tat for him, and insisted that he placed it into his pocket while singing since it matches his pink shirt. but he refused. hahaha... anyway it's now sitting beautifully on one of his shelves in hall.
we went for dinner at munchie monkeys aft watching all the soloists. and i muz say, a certain few of them juz made me wonder why they're in semi-finals. not tat i sing really well, but as part of the audience i think i'm allowed to actually judge who's good and who's not, in my own opinions, arent i?!
the stressed-up, crazy couple
us! (yew lee! ur face is red like baboon's ass! haha)
and jun! we saw this on a bench while we were waiting for the results to be announced. haha... seemed like u have a secret admirer who happened to love vandalising too! hahaha...
and the results were announced at damningly late 10pm. mebbe they shd have separated the soloists and the bands on 2 different days after all.
i'll say... the 2 emcees were pretty good, esp when the whole forum was so noisy and ppl were walking here and there.
all 24 soloists
me and the star of my life!
at abt 11pm plus, me and les went to vivo to catch this late nite movie called "Bucket List". it's sooo nice, and soooo funny! not to mention, really meaningful too. meaningful + funny is like my fav kinda movies nowadays, esp aft "feast of love" and "p.s. i love you"... =)
anyway jack nicholson totally cracked me up. he's like this old man that lumbers around in the show, doing and saying crazy things. and he's so cute. haaz!
us :: him going crazy, after stardust -_-'''
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Saturday, 29th Mar 08
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Saturday, 29th Mar 08
went around in the day shopping for my mom's bdae present. and seriously, i had a hard time finding something. i didnt even have any idea wat to buy for her. after years of buying her bdae presents, and giving her almost anything that i can possibly give, it's hard to even think of wat to give this year. haha...
settled for a mintmark&co necklace tat had a 4-leaf clover and a heart on it. it's nice!
i promised myself, her next bdae, i'll save up enuff fr my pay, to bring her on a short holiday. both her and my dad. =)
anyway me, les, yew lee and chang met up at pasir ris to go for the Work&Travel chalet cum BBQ. it was soooo freaking far, but so worth the trip... =)
see the fridge full of drinks and booze? the drinks were a life-saver tat night, coz all the bbq-ed food was making me gurgle down cold drinks like nobody's business.
and the ppl who bbq-ed all night and provided the delicious yummylicious foooooddddd!!!!!
qiyan & the best food of the nite - marshmallows+nutella+bananas! :: cheryl & the numerous marinated chicken
chang & yew lee FINALLY helping out haha :: and chiehui caught stealing food, wahaha...
i did help bbq k! hee...
and the food was supa supa superb!!!!!!!! the marinated chicken wings, sausages, otah, sambal sotongs, sambal fish, baked potatoes, satays etc... not to mention, tat marshmallows + nutella + bananas!
i'm hungry... -_-
and some random pics...
the bottom right hand photo, wondering why everyone's crowding around rite? we're looking at the wedding photos of one of our work&travel frens! it's so exciting to have a fren who's already married! hee...
i'm so gonna post this photo on facebook. haaz!
and more photos of the WAT ppl.
me and kaiwei (meet up soon, ger!) :: me and cheryl
me and zhenming :: me and les (wif beautiful snowflake effect, courtesy of chie hui's camera haha!)
i was still eating my chicken lor :: random shot
the ride operators! :: another random shot
i was really glad that we went, seriously. i always have inertia going all the way to pasir ris for chalet and whatnots, even tho i love stayovers and i love bbqs. but wells, i stay in choa chu kang, for goodness sake.
but this bbq, was really good! it's so nice to be meeting up with everyone, and finding out what everyone's doing in their lives. plus hearing kaiwei complain abt her job is entertaining enuff haha... come to think abt it, it's gonna be a year soon, since we first step onto USA soil. i miss those days... =(
anyway, for the bbq, all thanks to the organisers!
the organisers (where's chie hui!)
and a group shot! i think this is only half of the total no of singaporeans who went.
sighs.
u noe wat. i really really really miss those days.
u noe wat. i really really really miss those days.
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Sunday, 30th Mar 08
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Sunday, 30th Mar 08
HAPPY BIRTHDAY,
DEAREST MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DEAREST MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(not like she reads my blog, but u noe, mebbe 10years later, i can juz show her all these haha...)
had dinner outside, and a simple cake cutting ceremony at home!
the bdae ger :: my sis and mom
my parents
the family (it's a wonder the flame on the candle can burn so long when the wind's so damn strong)
gave my mom her presents, which are usually bought by me, coz my siblings are always lazy and anyway they dun really have the money to pay for it haha...
the women of the house! hee...
see! 4-leaf clover and the heart!
real sterling silver! next time when i've the money, i'm goin to buy her lee hwa jewellery, anyway lee hwa sounds like her name. haha...
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and to end off the post, an interesting and supadupa nice videos for u all to enjoy!!!! hee...
my HR2002 project video! starring me and my project mates. it's funny, i promise! watch it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
at 9:21 PM* * * * * * * * *